MY LOVE AFFAIR WITH BRITNEY MURPHY
Who I love so much, I'm not even sure that's how she spells her name. But nevermind...I've got a photo cut-out of her taped to my Benwin speaker a mere 27" from my eyeballs. And right now, she's lookin' T-A-S-T-Y. Won't you come over, Brit, and play Little Red Riding Hood with me? I'll be the wolf and you can be my little piggy. Mmm, mmm.
I first saw Britney in some movie...it impacted me so much I forget which one. Still, her radiant brown eyes with that sort of, "I want you to tongue my spinal cord," just got to my loins. Can I help it? I'm a sucker for the brown eyes. Always have been. With the exception of my first girlfriend...the woman who deflowered me. She had pink eye. Ha! I'm such a goddamn genius.
That was many moons ago. Somewhere along the way, I was forever altered by brown eyes. Maybe it was Liz in Kansas City though I think her's were actually a brownish-green. Jackie probably laid the foundation for my love of the brownies (not to be confused with either the dessert or the female version of the Cub Scouts). I remember the day I saw her walk into the lunch room at AT&T. In my mind I heard, "I must sleep with this woman."
That wasn't such an easy task to accomplish. It took me NINE months just to get her to talk to me. I kept sending her emails, trying to say hello in the hallways, setting my hair on fire, feigning an attack of scoliosis. Nothing seemed to work. What DID work was the day I walked up to her at the company watering hole. She was sitting with a friend. I was feeling bold. I went up and said the first thing that came to my mind:
"Did you know that Salvador Dali painted with his own shit?"
I'm totally serious. And three weeks later I was---shall we say in romantic terms---giving her the bone.
I haven't used that line since and maybe it's time to bring it back, but in my seasoned years I'm not sure it would have the same effect. After all, what woman really wants to hear about painting?
What relation does all this have to my love affair with Britney? Hmm...what is the color of poo?
-a
Who I love so much, I'm not even sure that's how she spells her name. But nevermind...I've got a photo cut-out of her taped to my Benwin speaker a mere 27" from my eyeballs. And right now, she's lookin' T-A-S-T-Y. Won't you come over, Brit, and play Little Red Riding Hood with me? I'll be the wolf and you can be my little piggy. Mmm, mmm.
I first saw Britney in some movie...it impacted me so much I forget which one. Still, her radiant brown eyes with that sort of, "I want you to tongue my spinal cord," just got to my loins. Can I help it? I'm a sucker for the brown eyes. Always have been. With the exception of my first girlfriend...the woman who deflowered me. She had pink eye. Ha! I'm such a goddamn genius.
That was many moons ago. Somewhere along the way, I was forever altered by brown eyes. Maybe it was Liz in Kansas City though I think her's were actually a brownish-green. Jackie probably laid the foundation for my love of the brownies (not to be confused with either the dessert or the female version of the Cub Scouts). I remember the day I saw her walk into the lunch room at AT&T. In my mind I heard, "I must sleep with this woman."
That wasn't such an easy task to accomplish. It took me NINE months just to get her to talk to me. I kept sending her emails, trying to say hello in the hallways, setting my hair on fire, feigning an attack of scoliosis. Nothing seemed to work. What DID work was the day I walked up to her at the company watering hole. She was sitting with a friend. I was feeling bold. I went up and said the first thing that came to my mind:
"Did you know that Salvador Dali painted with his own shit?"
I'm totally serious. And three weeks later I was---shall we say in romantic terms---giving her the bone.
I haven't used that line since and maybe it's time to bring it back, but in my seasoned years I'm not sure it would have the same effect. After all, what woman really wants to hear about painting?
What relation does all this have to my love affair with Britney? Hmm...what is the color of poo?
-a
posted by auGi at 11:44 AM
